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Well, at least they didn't have to run all over the neighborhood looking for him. The Colonel had fallen asleep while drinking the milk he was "drowning his sorrows" in. Sam couldn't blame him; considering his zombie-like appearance before the whole mess with the aliens began, she could only imagine what drugs would add to that exhaustion. There was something vulnerable about him like this, his face lying on the table next to the glass of milk, completely relaxed; easing the lines in his face. "That is so cute."

Daniel blinked, and then stared at Sam. Sam mentally cringed. Oh my god, did I say that out loud? "I mean… Um."

"Yes, MajorCarter?" Damn. Not even Teal'c was giving her an out.

"The décor." She motioned to the walls and tried to look appreciative. "Very cute."

Daniel continued looking at her. Teal'c was the first one to break the silence. "The walls are brown, MajorCarter."

"I like brown," she said defiantly.

Daniel kept silent, looking at Sam in that unnerving way that made you feel like everything you thought was on your face. Finally, he looked away and went to Jack's side. She held back a sigh of relief and led the way to the Colonel's bedroom as Teal'c came around the other side and he and Daniel lifted the Colonel together. They managed to drag/tow him to his bed and unceremoniously dump him there, face down. He didn't even stir.

Sam pulled his shoes off and the covers up to his waist. They all stood and watched him for a moment, before turning and leaving. Teal'c closed the door quietly after them.

As they went to the living room, Daniel finally spoke. "I'm gonna tell him you said that."

"Daniel…" Sam tried to sound pleading and pathetic, and was somewhat alarmed how little effort it took to do so. "He'll never let me live it down."

"I know." Daniel's head was turned away, but she would bet he was smiling smugly. Damn.

"Perhaps," Teal'c piped in, a calculating expression on his face, "we could make some sort of arrangement."

This was bad. This was very bad. She could recognize upcoming blackmail when she heard it.

Daniel smiled warmly at Sam, and her eyes narrowed even before he started to speak. "Tell you what… You stay and, um, make sure Jack's okay, and I'll forget about the cute thing."

"And how will I know that you'll follow through with that?"

"Scout's honor."

She regarded him steadily. He smiled at her, that quirky smile that relaxed her more than that warm 'let's be friends' smile ever did. "I promise."

"Okay. If you don't…"

"…you know where to find me," he finished and they grinned at each other. One down, one to go.

Sam regarded Teal'c carefully across the room as he looked back at her impassively. She knew he wouldn't forget. She knew that one day, when she'd been lulled into a false sense of security, he'd strike. It would be a battle. Human against Jaffa. Woman against man. Wit against cunning.

For now, though, Teal'c just smiled mysteriously as he turned away and to open the front door.

Daniel pulled on his coat and followed Teal'c out, glancing back at Sam. "I guess we'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, I'll take care of things here and lock up." At least Teal'c was giving her a breather for tonight. That might leave her enough time to think of some way out of what would no doubt be embarrassing chores for an unspecified amount of time.

Daniel nodded and smiled. "Okay. Tomorrow then."

"Teal'c staying at your place?"

"Yeah, I don't think they'll let us in at the SGC."

"It's doubtful," Sam agreed. "'Night."

As Daniel left she went back in the kitchen, quickly rinsing out the glass and the pan Daniel had used to warm the milk and putting them away. She dried her hands on the towel that suspiciously enough had the Air Force insignia on it, then stood indecisive for a moment. Making the decision, she walked to the Colonel's bedroom and opened the door.

He was lying just as they'd left him; sprawled over the bed, face down. She smiled a bit and turned to leave, pulling the door closed-

"So cute, huh?"

Crap.

"I was just referring to your décor, sir."

"That's alright, Carter," she could see the Colonel smiling goofily at her from where she was standing, "I think your décor is cute, too."

Sam couldn't help but grin a bit at the sight of her commanding officer being totally doped up. "Yes, sir."

He probably wouldn't even remember this tomorrow. A thought that was followed by others of a very inappropriate nature, so she tried to banish them by saying, "Well, I should get going."

The crestfallen expression on his face made her feel like she'd kicked a puppy. "I really have to, I have to be on base early tomorrow."

The Colonel looked thoughtful, then brightened. "I could order you to stay, then you wouldn't have to go there."

"Well, yes, sir, but General Hammond told me to report in."

The Colonel sat up a bit, supporting himself on his elbows, an indignant expression on his face. "What's he got that I haven't?"

Sam tried to look solemn. "Stars."

"Ah," the Colonel slumped back down on the bed, looking shrewd, "I see how you are."

"How am I?"

"Judging a man by his stars. Birds are manly too you know."

Sam didn't know how she'd managed to keep a straight face, but by god, she deserved a medal for it. She also changed her mind about him forgetting about this. If he did, she'd remind him. Over and over and over. Blackmail was a beautiful thing. At least when she was the one doing the blackmailing.

But, for now, she would control herself. In more ways than one.

"Of course not, sir, you're very manly," she soothed, silently proud of the fact that she didn't even break a smile. "He does outrank you, though."

"Oh." He was still so very cute, in a pathetic sort of way, that she couldn't have stopped herself even under better circumstances. She could feel the vowels starting to form on her tongue, her mouth opening, the words leaving her mouth-

"I could sleep on the couch."

He lit up like a kid in a candy store. "Really?"

"Really, sir."

"Cool!" He grinned happily at her, and she grinned back, her heart fluttering foolishly in her chest. Damn, she was worse than a lovesick teenager.

Still grinning, the Colonel opened his mouth to say something else, when his face was suddenly contorted in pain and he curled together with a moan, his arms holding his stomach.

"Sir!" She didn't even notice moving; one second she was by the door, the next she was bent over him, her hands gripping his closed fists. "Sir, what's wrong?"

A whimper was her only reply and she gently but firmly tugged at his wrists, trying to see what was wrong. God, what if the drug wasn't harmless? What if it was causing damage inside him, at this very moment? What if-

His fists suddenly unclenched, and before she had time to react, his arms were around her and he yanked her on top of him, Sam landing with an ungraceful "Oof!".

He blew warm air into her ear, and she could feel the vibrations of his laughter through his chest. That sneaky sonofabitch! She was *so* never feeling sorry for him ever again.

She was ready to dish out something caustic to him about crying wolf too often, when he sighed contently in her ear and said, "You feel good."

This was such a bad idea. A bad bad idea. Obviously, it could be nothing but bad judging by how very good it felt. He was warm and solid and obviously more heavily muscled than his lean appearance indicated.

And he was nuzzling her neck.

"Sir…"

"Mmm?"

"Sir, this is a really," she sighed as he nuzzled her hair, "bad idea."

"No it isn't."

"It is."

"Doesn't feel bad."

"Which is why it is."

"That doesn't make sense."

"Sir…"

"You know," he mumbled, and she couldn't bring herself to call him "Colonel" in this situation, not even in her thoughts, "calling me 'sir' in bed is kinda kinky, Carter, but whatever stirs your coffee."

"Look, I really think-" She broke off as his arms suddenly went limp around her, and she carefully braced her elbows on the mattress and raised herself.

His mouth was slightly open and a light snore was heard. Well, good. Good. This was what she'd wanted after all. Yep.

Sam sighed and carefully started climbing off her unconscious CO. Being responsible really sucked sometimes.

When Sam woke, years of waking up in unpleasant places made her keep her eyes shut and try to get her bearings straight before announcing that she was conscious.

She was stretched out on something yielding and quite frankly, lumpy. She'd slept on gravel piles that were more comfortable. That meant it was one of two things: some new, diabolic torture device invented by the latest fashion impaired Goa'uld, or Colonel O'Neill's couch.

The smell of coffee made her suspect the latter, but one never knew. It wouldn't be beyond the Goa'uld to do the "look what I have that you can't have" tactic. They weren't called evil for nothing.

Taking a chance, she cracked an eye open, and met amused brown ones.

"Look who's joined the living again. Here, have some coffee, I think you deserve some kind of prize for actually managing to sleep on that thing."

She sat up and self-consciously tried to flatten the worst of her bed hair. She accepted the cup he held out to her gratefully. "Thanks." Stalling for time, she took a large gulp, and almost sighed with pleasure as the strong beverage slid down her throat. Another thing to thank and/or blame the SGC for: irreversible caffeine addiction.

"So," the colonel put his coffee cup on the table, "what the hell did we do last night?"

Sam almost forgot to swallow the coffee before speaking. "Sir?"

"Well, I'm not quite hung over, but when I turn my head real fast, things kinda… wobble."

"Um, actually, sir, you got drugged."

His eyebrows rose. "Was this some kind of delayed surprise party for my birthday?"

Sam grinned and relaxed. He didn't remember. Part of her felt extremely grateful, another part… disappointed. She firmly told the second part to shut up. "No, sir, although I'll certainly bring the idea up for next year. This time, however, we had an alien incursion…" Sam summed up the events of last night as briefly as she could, and was for once not interrupted. That wobble must have really been something.

"Wow," the colonel said when she finished. "Glad to know the new guys got an exciting tour."

"That they did." Sam smiled and drank the last of the coffee. "I have to get back to base now. You should probably take it easy today."

"Your concern is heart warming." Ah, there was the sarcasm she knew and loved.

"That's what they pay me for. I'll drop by the dry cleaners at lunch."

The colonel looked down on his now bare living room floor. "Please do."

"Right."

She stood and made her way to the door, feeling him follow closely behind. She was still trying to decide whether or not blackmail was still an option when he handed her her coat. "Carter?"

She looked up at his quizzical expression.

"Deep thoughts?"

"Ah, no, just wondering where to pick up breakfast," she obfuscated.

"I could fix something up…" he offered, gesturing towards the kitchen.

"Oh, no, that's fine, sir, I'll just head by Starbucks."

"Sure?"

"Positive."

"Okay, then. Have fun with your paperwork."

Sam smiled and opened the front door. "I will, sir."

When he spoke next, his voice was a strange mix of warmth and amusement. "Sir, Carter?"

She turned and looked at him. He was smiling at her. "Kinky."

The End

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