by Nel (pretty coverart by the amazing Danvers)

Rating: NC-17
Category: Angst, episode tag
Pairing: Shep/McKay
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Spoilers: Letters from Pegasus
Summary: Rodney always pushes, but it's never been too far before.
Author's Notes: As always, so many thank you's to Suz and Danvers. I can't with proper words explain how much they rock.


It was when he discovered he’d been working for eight hours without interruption that he realized something was wrong.

Not that there was anything wrong with working for eight full hours. It was something he’d wanted to do more often than he’d been able. Due to the Major, though, it had become something of an unobtainable dream to Rodney; the chance to solve problems without someone thinking that he should do less important things, like sleeping.

Usually, the Major showed up just when Rodney was on the brink of figuring out the problem he’d been working on, making Rodney a little annoyed. Rodney would snarl, the Major would smile infuriatingly and they’d end up in the mess hall, since no way was Rodney letting the Major interrupt his very important work without giving him a piece of his mind.

It had become their thing. Rodney might have started to enjoy it. Maybe.

So, it was only natural that he’d be a little surprised when the Major let him be for once. Pushing away the urge to call the infirmary and check (someone would have told him if anything had happened…right?) he went to the Major’s quarters.

Unless he was in his quarters and was just avoiding Rodney, no Sheppard. Rodney assumed that he wasn’t, since he hadn’t had a chance to annoy the Major since he and Teyla got back with the refugees.

No one in the control room knew where he was; Elizabeth seemed surprised that Rodney didn’t know where to find the Major. Please. What was he, the resident baby sitter?

Except for Zelenka in the shuttle bay, repairing a short-out, there was no one to find there either. All shuttles were accounted for, so the Major hadn’t gone to the mainland.

He was walking down the corridor outside the shuttle bay, trying to figure out what the next logical place to look would be, when he ran into Ford.

“Hey, doctor,” Ford smiled and Rodney refused to feel pleased that Ford seemed genuinely happy to see him. “What happened? The lab blow up?”

“Very amusing, Lieutenant,” Rodney said dryly and Ford’s grin widened. “No, I was just looking for the Major.”

Ford’s smile faded and he made a face. “He’s in Gym 2. He’s been in there for a couple of hours.”

Rodney’s eyebrows rose. So far, the only thing in Gym 2 was a punching bag that had been manufactured the second month after they’d arrived in Atlantis. While it was regularly used, by military and science personnel alike, it hardly held up for several hours of attention.

“Gym 2,” he nodded. “Thanks.” Rodney gave Ford a brief smile and headed to the transporter at the opposite end of the corridor.

“Good luck,” Ford called after him.

What the hell was the Major doing in Gym 2?


As it turned out, he was making the most of its assets. When Rodney entered, the Major was slamming his fists into the punching bag, gloves smacking hard against the plastic of the heavy sack. From the looks of it, he’d been at it for some time; his black t-shirt was drenched in sweat and his normally perky-looking hair was glued to his head.

“Do you two want to be alone, or can anyone join?” Rodney moved closer, carefully studying the Major.

The Major paused, panting, one glove moving to still the bag. He looked at Rodney, face exhausted. “You want a go?”

“Tempting, but I was actually looking for you.”

The Major frowned. “Anything wrong?”

“Besides you killing the only punching bag in Atlantis? Not that I know of.”

“I’m busy, McKay.” The Major seemed to dismiss him and turned back to the bag. Rodney frowned and moved until he was beside the Major; he didn’t like to be dismissed on the best of days, and especially not by Sheppard.

Figuring that beating around the bush wouldn’t get him anywhere, he went straight to the point. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He started punching the bag again.

“Please. The last time you left me alone in the lab, you were laid up in the infirmary with broken ribs.”

Sheppard stopped again, holding the bag with both hands this time. “I know this may be hard for you to believe, McKay, but the world doesn’t revolve around you.”

It hurt, more than it should have. Rodney’s mouth tightened. “Oh lovely, insults. Does that make you feel better?”

The Major glared at him then started removing the gloves. “As a matter of fact...”

“Glad I could be of assistance,” Rodney said with sarcasm.

Sheppard grabbed a towel and dried his face with it. “Don't you have anything better to do?” He hung the towel around his neck.

“It’s about what happened on that planet, isn’t it? The culling.” Rodney pushed on, because Sheppard was many things, but hurtful was usually not one of them.

The Major stared at him coldly. "Get off my back, McKay," he said before he turned to leave.

Rodney stared at the Major’s departing back as he exited the room.

Maybe he just needed some space.


Rodney gave the Major enough time for a long shower before knocking on his door. Space was overrated.

The door slid open to reveal the Major pulling a fresh t-shirt over his head and Rodney swallowed slightly at the sight of the Major’s firm chest and belly. As Sheppard’s head popped out from the t-shirt, hair wet and in disarray, he glared at Rodney.

Quickly, before the door closed again, Rodney stepped inside.

“I thought I made it clear that I didn’t want company,” the Major said flatly.

Rodney smirked. “And I find it amusing that you thought I would listen to you.”

The Major’s eyes glinted dangerously. “Get out, Rodney.”


The Major stepped closer, eyes cold. “I said, get out.”

“If you think that you can intimidate me-“

He had time to see the Major bare his teeth before he was slammed against the wall, stuck between the hard surface and a pissed off Major Sheppard.

Rodney admitted to himself that there had been fantasies where he had in fact been slammed against the wall by the Major. The events following had just been a lot more satisfying.

“I realize this is difficult for you,” Sheppard said coldly, “listening to someone other than yourself, but god help me, if you don’t leave right now…”

Rodney raised his chin. “You’ll what? Beat me up?”

The Major’s smile wasn’t pleasant. “Don’t tempt me, Rodney.”

“Shut up and hit me if that’s what you’re going to do,” Rodney baited, sounding more confident than he felt. He’d never seen the Major like this; Rodney had never pushed this far. But he refused to be intimidated, because that would mean that he’d come to rely way too much on Sheppard’s ability to not fall apart.

The Major pressed against him harder and breathing was a lot more difficult all of a sudden. His face was so close to Rodney’s that their noses were almost touching. “I am,” Sheppard said slowly, “so *sick* of you telling me what to do. You don’t have all the answers, Rodney.”

“I never said that I did.” He might have said that he did, he couldn’t be sure.

“Then why can’t you listen to me when I ask you for something? Why do you always have to make things difficult?” His voice was soft but his eyes were still hard.

Rodney snorted softly. “I never pretended to be anything else. You’re the one who stuck around.”

He swallowed as the Major studied him, his eyes seeming to burn into Rodney as though he could see right through him.

Then he pushed his thigh between Rodney’s legs and Rodney drew a sharp breath and was suddenly rock-hard.

Damn body. Brain that could figure out almost anything and a body that couldn’t see the difference between exciting fantasy and more serious reality. Pathetic.

“Is this it?” the Major whispered and – holy SHIT – licked Rodney’s neck. “Is this why you can’t back off?”

“Major…” Rodney’s voice cracked.

The Major drew back until Rodney could look into his eyes without becoming cross-eyed himself. “Get out, Rodney.”

“No,” Rodney whispered.

Sheppard didn’t back off, his face was unreadable, but he didn’t push either. Rodney was just starting to relax when he was suddenly spun around (and could he be *any* easier to throw around?), face pushing against the cool wall as the Major unbuckled the belt of his pants and yes, Rodney was really standing with his pants and boxers around his ankles against the wall in Major Sheppard’s quarters.

A rough hand grabbed Rodney’s hair and yanked his head back, a demanding mouth biting at his lips, a tongue pushing into Rodney’s mouth at the same time as a hand grabbed his dick and Rodney was stuck somewhere between pushing away and punching the Major and begging him to never stop.

He moaned as Sheppard’s hand pumped him, fast, hard, then let go, mouth leaving Rodney’s as Rodney was pushed back against the wall, panting.

Rodney heard the clink of the Major’s belt unbuckling as he leaned against Rodney, still restraining him. Rodney heard him muttering, “never knows when to fucking back off,” and then something hot and slick was pushing against his ass and they both froze.

Sheppard’s chest was pressed against Rodney’s back and Rodney could feel the Major’s panting breaths reverberating through his body, hot air moving against his neck.

“Rodney,” this time it was the Major’s voice that cracked.

Sheppard backed away and Rodney’s back felt cold after all that heat pressing up close to him. He didn’t stop to think; he just twisted around and grabbed a hold of the Major’s neck, pushing his tongue into his mouth, pushing Sheppard backwards.

They tumbled down on top of the Major’s bed, clawing at each other’s clothes, biting and gnawing on each others’ mouths, jaws, necks.

Sheppard got the upper hand, straddling Rodney and pinning his arms above Rodney’s head. Panting, they stopped, staring at each other. The Major moved one hand to Rodney’s face, the other one still pinning Rodney’s wrists to the bed, and stroked along Rodney’s cheek, as careful as he’d been violent earlier.

Rodney trembled as the Major rubbed a thumb against Rodney’s lower lip, sucking on it as the Major pushed it inside.

“Rodney,” Sheppard said quietly, gently kissing Rodney, and at that moment, Rodney would fucking die for him.


It hurt. It burned and it ached and he had to blink away tears. The Major was slow, though; he held Rodney’s hips steady and didn’t move. “McKay? You okay?”

Rodney just drew in a shaky breath.

“Damn it, Rodney, are you okay?”

“Give me a second,” Rodney snapped and the Major leaned forward, not pushing, just kissing Rodney’s neck slowly, one hand rubbing at the small of his back as the other coaxed his now soft dick to hardness.

Rodney closed his eyes, trying to focus on Sheppard licking a path down his spine instead of the way his ass was hurting. Then it became easier; he groaned as the Major’s thumb swiped over the head of his cock and Sheppard sucked in a breath as he pushed carefully, going deeper into Rodney.

Continuing to jerk Rodney off, his other hand gripped Rodney’s hip tightly and he started to move, slowly, carefully, but going deeper with each stroke.

“Jesus, Rodney,” he moaned and started fucking Rodney faster and it shouldn’t have been this exciting, just being on his hands and knees, trying not to fall on his face as Sheppard’s thrusts turned harder, but it was; he was so damn hot that he’d be lucky if he lasted another minute.

He lasted several more minutes as the Major let go of his dick and grabbed his hips with both hands and got going for real.

Rodney gasped and arched his back as every other thrust lightning would shoot from his ass to his spine and he shuddered in pleasure. He wanted to touch himself so *badly*, but the bed was creaking with the force of their movements. The small part of his brain that was still functioning realized that he’d end up flat on his face if he tried to balance on one hand.

In the end, it was Sheppard’s breathy curses that did it.

“Yes, god, fuck, yes yes yes, Jesus, *yes*,” the pitch of the Major’s voice was getting higher and more frantic and the thought went through Rodney’s head – he’s fucking me – and that was it, he let out a shout and shuddered violently, body rocking as Sheppard continued to push into him as he came.

His arms finally gave out and he moaned as his still sensitive cock was pressed against the bed, the Major’s frantic thrusts pushing down on him rhythmically.

Sheppard let out a strangled noise and Rodney could feel him twitch inside as he came, warmth spreading within for what seemed to be forever.

Then the Major slumped down on top of him, hot, sweaty, panting and saying Rodney’s name in the smallest and sexiest voice Rodney had ever heard.

After a few minutes, Rodney realized two things. 1) The Major was a lot heavier than he looked. 2) Breathing was kind of useful.

He tried to move and Sheppard was amiable enough; they twisted around until they were pressed tightly together, Rodney’s chest against the Major’s back.

“Hey,” the Major murmured sleepily, “you know my name.”

Rodney frowned. “I didn’t think it was possible for you to make less sense than you normally do, but now I’ve been proved wrong.”

“You said my name.” He pushed back against Rodney, and they were *so* not snuggling. The bed wasn’t very roomy, that was all. “Well,” there was some smugness in that voice. “It was more like screaming, but you catch my drift.”

“I’m sorry,” Rodney snorted, “next time I’ll be sure to call you Major, Major.”

“That’s okay. You don’t have to on my behalf.”

Rodney was quiet for a moment. “Feeling better now?”

The Major – John – didn’t answer and he didn’t tense up, but somehow his body didn’t feel all that relaxed next to Rodney’s anymore. “We just had sex, Rodney.”

“Yeah, I noticed that too.”

John twisted his head back to look at him. “That doesn’t bother you?”

Rodney considered it, since it was a valid question. He generally didn’t get fucked very often. But this was John. “No.”

John nodded. “Okay.”

“Will you tell me what’s bothering you now?”

John sighed. “Not even sex can shut you up.”

Rodney wouldn’t be distracted this time. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t think anyone’s okay, Rodney. Considering the circumstances.”

Rodney realized with some surprise that, for a moment, he’d forgotten about the Wraith. It was the first time since they’d gotten here that they hadn’t occupied some part of his mind. “Maybe not, but I think you’re in the lead.”

John looked guilty. “Yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean to…” His voice turned annoyed. “But you could try to back off once in a while.”

“I’m not sure that I can,” Rodney said quietly. “Not when it comes you.”

John looked hard at Rodney. Rodney wasn’t sure what he saw, but his face softened as he smiled. “I’m forever doomed to bring out the worst in you, huh?”

Rodney tried to smirk. “Of course.”

The smile faded. “Even if we make it,” John said softly, “even if we survive, what’s the use?”

Rodney frowned. John wasn’t supposed to be pessimistic, that was Rodney’s job, and a job he did well. John was supposed to make Rodney think that maybe they weren’t totally screwed after all. He was supposed to be calm and relaxed, laid back like nothing could ever defeat them, smirking when Rodney counted the ways things were going to hell.

It was…disconcerting to not have that.

When Rodney didn’t reply, John turned his face away again and continued. “There are so *many* of them, Rodney. Even if we found allies on every planet we visit... Most of the people we’ve met don’t have weapons and equipment to defend themselves. *We* can barely defend ourselves.”

Rodney didn’t know what to say. Because it was the truth and Rodney didn’t lie well. He’d never seen the point of learning; what was the use of saying things if they weren’t true? People lied to themselves enough as it was.

“You’re right,” Rodney said finally. “Let’s just lie here and wait for them to come and kill us.”

John turned his head to glare at Rodney, anger tightening his face. “Rodney…”

“Well, there’s no use fighting, is there? We’ll just lose anyway.”

“Don’t patronize me,” and it was back, that coldness in his voice. That coldness that was fury, Rodney realized.

“I’m just stating the facts,” he said flatly.

John’s glare lasted for another few seconds before his eyes closed. “I’m sorry. It’s just…”


He opened his eyes again, and they seemed to cut into Rodney. “I’m just not used to fighting a losing battle.”

“Yeah,” Rodney said quietly. “Me neither.”


ll feedback l main page l more fanfics ll